Lesson 2: Communicating Without Escalating

Welcome back. In this second lesson, we’re looking at one of the most powerful tools we have: our communication.

When supporting a student who seems to push back on every request, it's easy to fall into a pattern of repeating ourselves, raising our voice, or trying to reassert control. But often, it's not the demand itself that triggers the resistance, it's how that demand is communicated.

In this session, we’ll explore how small changes in our tone, phrasing, and presence can significantly reduce anxiety and resistance. You’ll learn how to speak in ways that soothe rather than spark escalation and how to create space for trust to grow, even in moments of tension.

Watch the video

This short video introduces four practical shifts that can make your communication feel safer for demand avoidant learners. You’ll learn how to reduce perceived pressure by softening tone, slowing down, using indirect language, and offering choice, all without losing clarity or structure.

Go deeper with the Companion Notes

This lesson’s Companion Notes explore each of the four key communication strategies in more depth. You’ll find warm, practical explanations of what makes a demand feel demanding, why indirect language matters, and how to develop a calm, consistent tone that regulates rather than escalates.

There are also reflection prompts to help you consider how your words, tone, and presence shape your classroom culture. Take your time and don’t be afraid to revisit these notes more than once.

Apply your learning with the Script Bank

This downloadable script bank offers a wide range of low-demand phrases, grouped by situation, that you can adapt to suit your own voice and context. Whether you’re helping a student start a task, manage a transition, or come down from overwhelm, you’ll find gentle, effective alternatives to common teacher phrases.

It’s not about having perfect words, it’s about building consistency and safety through the way you speak.

Reflect and carry it forward

As you move through the week, notice how you speak to your students, not just what you say, but how you say it. Do your words invite or instruct? Do your pauses leave room for regulation, or rush toward resolution?

Here are a few prompts from the Companion Notes to guide your reflection. Use them however you like - in a notebook, in conversation with a colleague, or simply as quiet cues for self-awareness.

Reflection prompts:

• How might I shift from issuing demands to offering invitations?
• What impact does my tone have on how my requests are received?
• Where could I use fewer words and more presence?

When a child feels safe with your voice, they begin to trust your words. And when they trust your words, real connection can begin.